Dance With Somebody Who Loves You

Parenting books don’t talk about moments like this; when your kid is in need of your emotional support and yet your well is running dry.

I tend to sing when stressed. The sillier and more outlandish the better. It is the fastest way for me to discharge my negative energy and get back to center. So that’s what I did as my daughter was sobbing, “MOMMA!!” over and over. I began to sing Bohemian Rhapsody, changing the words to match the situation that was happening in front of me. My daughter didn’t immediately find it as regulating as I did, but as I started to hug her tightly and dance with her – dipping her periodically, she stopped crying and I could feel her relax in my arms. Then that made space for us to talk a little bit about what she could do to help herself.

So, what do you do as a parent when your child needs help to soothe and you are just not feeling it?

The truth is that you focus on yourself for a moment. You find ways to quickly and efficiently fill your tank so you can make it to the next rejuvenation station. Things like taking a breath…from your belly not your shoulders; or naming your feelings; or narrating your problem-solving ideas (“Mommy is super stressed right now and feeling a little bit overwhelmed so she’s going to take a few breaths to try and get back into thinking brain.”), all serve to rapidly increase your capacity to cope temporarily. You can also take a couple deep drinks of water, do a 10-30 second dance break – with or without music!, or sing your favorite song since these do the same thing while also activating higher cortical areas of your brain. My Bohemian Rhapsody mashup is another example of how you can make it your own and add a touch of humor to the mix, enhancing the calming effect…

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